Sad SAC

So what does it feel like when your 83 year old dad calls to tell you that your mother is in the process of walking out to leave him and get a divorce after 61 years of marriage? I can tell ya, it’s frightening. Fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger all ran through me as dad described the scene playing out at that exact moment in front of him. My parents are not in good financial shape. I won’t go into the details because they would be mortified if they knew I had shared that information, and honestly, I don’t think they need sympathy and they have no desire to be victims. They just want out from under the oppression they feel because of their situation; the situation they have created by their choices…not mine. It’s not my fault, not my doing; I have no responsibility for this situation. I have been the cheerleader for both of them, and each of them separately for YEARS, because they are fabulous people who have been there for me all of my life, even when they didn’t agree with my choices, and even when they suffered the consequences themselves because of MY actions. Here I sit, feeling that if I hadn’t made some of the choices I made years ago, perhaps things wouldn’t be so dark for mom and dad. We’ve been tied together, not financially, but in our support of each other, and yes, sometimes that meant one of us helped the other financially. But that’s the point, we’ve been there for each other in a multitude of ways, through everything. And so now, when things are so tough for them, I am asking myself, how do I stand strong, and not get swept up in the emotions when I hear my dad’s voice breaking on the phone, and when I hear the grit in my mom’s voice as she tells me she loves me. What can I do but sit back and allow things to take their course? I’ve offered to do whatever I can to help, but really, there’s nothing I can do. This is not my battle, but I will suffer the consequences just the same, just as my children did when I divorced their father. Is this what karma feels like?